E268 today & work this week

Work has been hellish and will prove to be so for some time to come. Alas, three large projects at one time. Two sw manuals of about 400 pages, one that's a bit smaller but equally intensive, and a partridge and a pear tree.

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Had to work all weekend, plus a 12 hour day yesterday. Yey for 25 hours in 3 days? Blah. Hard especially with teaching and 'trying' to get my own writing done.

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Anyway, class seemed to go fairly well today, despite the low attendance, which in part was due greatly to the snow. (I don't know if I've seen it snow like this before here; in high school there were a few days of heavy snow. But the high school I went to wasn't big on cancelling school, regardless of weather or reason.)

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I was feeling uneasy about the class and because of the over-worked brain, and because I was just straight tired, I took a nap when I got home this evening. Gives my brain a chance to chill and process, which helps me think through things and see them differently. Anywho, my dream made me feel better about the class. In it, I kept hurrying to tell them more, and no matter how much I'd tell the students, I never felt like I really covered what I needed to; like I never could explain anything to the degree I wanted or needed to. At one point in the dream, one of my non-traditional students looks at me and says, "We understand things more than you think we do; you are clearer than you think you are."

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And I woke up. I was still uneasy, just as I was uneasy at the end of the dream right before the student spoke, and I was still processing what she said. But I think she's right. It's exactly what T keeps saying to me anyway. Just do your thing and stop worrying about it. Those who need to understand will; and those who don't care, well...they're not your problem.

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I know the problem is that I just care too much. I want everyone to know or understand what I know. I like this writing and literature stuff too much.

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Regarding work, I'm seriously thinking there needs to be a change. These late hours are not alright. These small deadlines are not alright. These multiple projects are not alright. T keeps telling me to "just do what you can" and I'm telling you, this is more than I can. This is taking up my evenings, which is supposed to be for writing and prepping for classes; and it's bleeding into my weekends, which are straight off limits.

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We're looking at a change. We'll see what happens. I don't want to mention it to anyone yet. I don't want to jinx it like I did with the Summer Seminar on Joyce.